new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
