You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
