...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
did you just send me my own nude
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
