Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
