My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
