I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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