Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
