We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
