I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there was a trapeze. enough said
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
