It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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