If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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