The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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