I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The struggles of a small town man whore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
