Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
handjob tips. give me some.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
