party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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