In the future we'll all be gay
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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