I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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