The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dignity is for republicans.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
