Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize