I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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