If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
