No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Girls should come with a carfax report
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize