I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
