I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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