I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
