it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
