I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
