Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
