whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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