i was born a porn star she said
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
splinters make it hard to masturbate
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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