just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
