Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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