As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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