I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
