I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
