today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
