I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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