What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
