soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
