I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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