question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
