Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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