he wants to bone in the snuggie
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I did not marry a roomba.
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