just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
