hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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