hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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