we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
