if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
