Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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