New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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