I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
