if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
