You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
