i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
