You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize