college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
