i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
