i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
