Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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