And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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