yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
