There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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