I didn't shave. On purpose
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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