Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
