This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
